I feel like I am an awkward person.

I constantly come across either: 1) not knowing what to say, or 2) saying something at the wrong time, or in the wrong manner.

Sure, I get by all right, but there's this internal struggle of being around people (especially ones I don't know well) versus keeping myself to myself.

Ah, well. Such is life, right?

New Michael and Henry song!

I am all about these boys.

An overdue update

I have a hard time letting go of people. But I also get pissed when people become inconsistent. What a predicament this puts me in! It's almost to the point where I need to delete contacts from my phone and facebook so I'm not constantly tempted to try to keep up with them.

I still struggle a lot with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. Sometimes it's not so bad, but at other times it makes me not even want to be around this person people. I'm still praying for God to help me with it. I've gotten better at managing it as far as outward appearances, but not so much with the insides.

In other news, I passed my OB class! Let's shoot for the same in Peds, ok? Good. And as strange as it is to say it, I'm actually really enjoying the cardiac system-now that i'm starting to understand it.

Finally, my music pick. This has been my favorite Red song as of late, so here it is

Shadows-Red

Sunset, I close my eyes
I pretend everything's alright
Drowning in anger from all these lies
I can't pretend everything's alright
Please don't let me fall forever
Can you tell me it's over?

There's a hate inside of me like some kind of master
I tried to save you, but I can't find the answer
I'm holding onto you, I'll never let go
I need you with me as I enter the shadows

Caught in the darkness, I go blind
But can you help me find my way out?
Nobody hears me, I suffer the silence
Can you tell me it's over now?

There's a hate inside of me like some kind of master
I tried to save you, but I can't find the answer
I'm holding onto you, I'll never let go
I need you with me as I enter the shadows

I'm holding onto you [x2]
There's a hate inside of me like some kind of master
I tried to save you, but I can't find the answer
I'm holding onto you, I'll never let go
I need you with me as I enter the shadows

Thoughts of a worn out college student

I do some of my best thinking while driving. For instance, I can like something a lot, but also see the humor and why people make fun of it. Take Twilight. I am a closet Twilight fan. And I totally make fun of it with others.

I've been trying to realize ways in which I can better live out my faith without pushing it in people's throats (which I think at times is necessary, but is not conducive for building a relationship). Little things like smiling more, making an effort to say hello, to show an interest in people. I would "ask the audience," but there's not really much audience here so I'll leave it at that.

7 months of school left......

I've recently fallen in love with this little show called

Yep, I've hopped onto the bandwagon. Someone please say they have seasons 2 and/or3?!?? Netflix is behind the times with the instant watch.

I've finally joined the fitness center on campus! I got a card when I was a freshman, but never stepped foot inside the building. I figured since tuition is going up 8% and I'm paying for it, I might as well use it. PLUS, I found a workout buddy!! We decided to try the Hip Hop Jam class...my pride is a bit wounded, I must say, but it was totally fun. White girls weren't meant to move like that.


At long last, I'm on my last respite of summer. I have 6 days of no work and no school-so I'm going to Troy! Should be fun.

I shall leave you with some music. I got to see this band live, amazingly enough---NOBODY comes to rinkydink Alabama, but these guys did.
I don't know why they're playing in a warehouse with no roof in the snow, but there ya go...

Do Nothing

I hit the nail on the head tonight. I've realized the cause for some of my misfortunes.

I haven't forgiven myself for past mistakes.


I know I've been forgiven by God and others, but I still carry guilt. Which in turn leads me to be jealous of those who are-seemingly-doing better than I spiritually. These certain people--I don't want to hear about how great their relationship with God is, how great things have been for them. And that is so wrong.

I realize that forgiving myself is about perspective. The focus should be on Christ and how he has forgiven me and set me free. More often, however, it is on myself and how I've screwed up, or how others are doing so much better. A comparison.

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit." Young's literal translation says "nothing in rivalry or vain glory..." In other words, don't compare yourself! At Passion 2011, we were encouraged to remember this verse when we caught ourselves comparing.

But comparing ourselves is so ingrained in us, that we don't even realize we are doing it.


I guess for right now, the only answer I can come up with is to pray. Pray for humility, forgiveness, and freedom from guilt.

La tee dah

You know how when you were younger and you saw someone who was older than you and they were so cool? I even remember being in high school and seeing a college girl and thinking "man, she's so awesome. I can't wait until I'm in college."

That's me. I'm 21!?

I don't feel that old. I'll be 21 when I graduate. I'll be 21 when I-hopefully-pass the NCLEX and become a registered nurse. How weird is that?

So, in honor of my 21st birthday, my love for piano, and my deep appreciation for fantastic harmonies....here's a song! (Not the greatest in content, but, ya know...)