"More than a heartbreak"

I am a 20-something college student stuck in a rut. I feel like every time I try to pick myself back up, I fall back down and break open those scabbed up knees all over again. Thus, the name of this blog.

"i dont have a tremendous number of friends and there are even fewer that really know me. and not just a part or a version of me. for whatever reason, the Lord has woven a common theme throughout my friendships. He draws me closer to Him as i pray and beg for a close friend, someone to know me and understand me and walk with me through life. during that time of waiting, my relationship with Him has always grown and strengthened. then He answers with the most beautiful friendship. and then, over a course of time, He takes it away. it took awhile for me to stop becoming angry with Him for the pain of it, for the feeling of being let down, being disappointed and alone. it definitely took a lot of growing to see it as something more than a heartbreak."

I completely relate to this. This is from Cassie, a post from a while ago, actually, but I keep coming back to it over and over. I'm still working on the bitterness. To be quite honest, I don't really want to change that at the moment. I want to be bitter and mean and angry. Sometimes I can hide it well. Other times, I have to remove myself from the situation. My head knows this is bad, and I keep trying to convince my heart of the same, but it's not worked yet.

I still have a lot of growing to do...