Proverbial Guy Post

Edit::the font is weird, so it looks like the title is "gay" but it's really "guy"

"What about you and Greene?"

Don't you just hate that? When someone initiates that thought of interest in your head, and you then can't stop thinking about it? Am I making sense?

I've known Greene for about two years now, we met at church one Tuesday evening. I remember going to Chik-fil-A after, sitting at a table with him, Rachel, and a few others, thoroughly confused over his name because he had introduced himself as Daniel but everyone was calling him Greene. Ever since then, people have asked about us. I don't know what it is. Do they see something that I don't?? Two years is a long time to have these thoughts re-awakened again and again. Each time Rachel eyes me, secretly signaling that she's sizing us up, I'm faced with "what if?"

"What if he likes me, and everyone knows it but me?"
"What if we went together?"
"Do I like him?"
"What am I thinking, I'm going to Africa!"

And as much as I love chick flicks and books and the like, they are terrible for me. Maybe that's why I've been so drawn to the action movies as of late. It's a struggle to fight against what the media (and even Christian books) says about relationships and the "perfect" guy. Unrealistic expectations.

I'm at a point in my life where I don't know how I feel about guys and dating and all of that. Through high school, I never had the opportunities presented, so I never had to deal with it. The summer after I graduated, I dated a guy that taught me a lot of what I didn't want. After that, I swore off dating in college. I used that excuse a few months ago on a guy. Lame, I know. I've never been one to drool over guys though. Quite honestly, I tend to hermitize (yes, hermitize-as in, make myself a hermit) when a guy shows interest in me. Sometimes I wonder if it's time to quit being so oppositional; but then I think "Oh, I'm going to Africa, no need to start something" (which is quite true), or some other excuse like that. I guess that's what I feel like I'm doing: making excuses.

Wouldn't it be grand to be asexual? ;) Just joking on that one.

And don't worry, my head knows all the right answers: "God has a plan," "You're doing the wise thing," etc, etc. My heart just tends to throw things for a loop sometimes and make me question myself. Whose doesn't?