Jesus Freak?

Jesus was a crazy dude! I know we talk about how radical and different he was all of the time, but I was reading my Bible the other night and it just really stuck out to me that he was...weird. A couple of weeks ago in community group we talked about Nicodemus, and how Jesus just went straight to the point, not even really addressing Nicodemus' question. And then last night I was reading in John (side note: John 13, Jesus is with his disciples and he is talking about who will betray him. He says it will be whomever he gives the bread to, and obviously gives it to Judas Iscariot. It then says Satan immediately entered Judas and Jesus said "What you will do, do quickly." How crazy is that?? How did I never know that part of the story????). One of the guys was leaning up against Jesus when He said all of that in ch. 13. I guess just the mental image that came to my mind was just very strange and I was taken aback..."this guy is crazy! If I didn't know any better, I'd say they're following a cult!"


Do you ever have those times where Satan really gets into you? You don't even realize it because he's just that good. He plants those little seeds of doubt, which spring into thoughts like "What if this is just another religion and I'm not following a true god?"

A little bit of a different turn. Do you have songs that just speak to you? Ones that just melt your heart, no matter how many times you hear them? Here are mine:

1) River Flows In You-Yiruma
      I love piano. Love it. The first time I heard this I just melted. I can listen to this over and over for hours on end, and it is so relaxing. One of my friends is a great pianist and I asked him to learn how to play this for me. Just listening to him practice it, with all of the missed notes and off timing, I was in love. Although there are no words, I still hum loudly :)

2) It's Beautiful-EleventySeven
     I heard this one on the radio one time. I kept listening for weeks after, but it was never played again. I finally searched the internet until I found it. It's just a beautiful song of praise.

3) Meteor Shower-Owl City
    The first time I heard this was at the Passion conference a couple of years ago, so I always associate this song with crowds of people all gathered in one place to worship our Lord. It's such a reminder to myself that "I am not my own," and "I desperately need You."

4) Sanctuary
     This is a song I've loved since childhood. I used to sing with the campus BCM and would frequently research harmonies, and I like the harmony on this one.

The Best of Friends

We were the best of friends. Christian and I grew up together; we went to the same church, at times went to the same school,  we were even next door neighbors for a period. So many crazy stories: the time he ate a pepper straight from the garden, going to Big Kahuna's, wondering around in the woods behind our houses (we lived in the country...like wayy out). He's been my closest friend for the longest. And now he's married and living in south Florida, in the Marines, and working tons. I miss him. 

Yesterday, he revealed that he had found some emails from the summer I found out I was moving away. 

Just some excerpts from some of them that made me tear up a tiny bit:

Christian:  see when is a good time that i can come by your house and see u and say bye...I CANT BELIEVE YOUR" LEAVING! luv yas!

Ash: Soo...Dad and I are in an appt. right now. It's really nice (except for the stairs...we're on the 2nd floor.). Hmmm....what else to say? It's hard to hold a one-sided conversation. :) We've been watching a lot of  24 cause we have nothing better to do...in the middle of season 3 right now. :)

 Reply back!! I'm lonely out here! J/k not really...well at the apartment I am, but...whatever. Ok, Miss y'all!!!!

He had just learned to read. I still make weird faces (I'm the one with my hands in weird places). circa age 4

Christian, me, and his brother Jonathan dressed up for "The Gift." circa age 10

The summer we graduated high school. He had braces and was terribly afraid of smiling. :)

20. Finally out of the awkward teen years. And he's engaged (that's Abi)!!

He's married now!!

(To all of those people who always told me growing up that we would get married, I just want to take this moment to say....BOOYAH!)

I Can Go the Distance

I think I'm going to Africa! I've always said I want to do missions (though I've never felt called to long term), and the perfect opportunity has now arrived. It's been since about January that I've been praying about this, and I feel God is calling me to it. At first I was very hesistant--a year or two in Africa..what will my parents say? How will I get the money? What if I don't pass NCLEX???

As I've prayed, talked with some people, and done some research, I get more and more excited! I was just reading about malaria on the CDC website, and I'm so ready to go get some antimalarials! Haha, a little early for that.

One of the nurses that I work with is in the process of preparing to go to Papua New Guinea. She has been awesome, just giving me pointers, recommending books to get, who I need to talk to. And another plus that I like to think about is getting to see Josh and Kimberly's little boy grow up :)

So what would I do? Well for one I'd be working with Josh and Kimberly, and whoever else joins the team, in reaching a people group that is currently unreached (i.e. church planting). But using my healthcare background, as a tool to reach people, I'd like to do some health promotion/disease prevention classes. I think it'd be awesome to research the disease common to whatever area and learn the preventative measures and then teach them!

So that's the jist of it right now. It's still kind of early in the process, but I'm pumped. Be praying!

Ok, so not the whole "warm welcome" and "feel like I belong" stuff, but I like how the rest of the song fits :)

Lord, I Need You

"Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. 'Simon,' he said to Peter, 'are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.'" Mark 14: 37-38

I read this passage and it spoke to me. "The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." That's where I feel I am right now. I feel so weak sometimes, but I want to overcome it. I like the commentary for this section:
1)Keep watch-stay awake and be morally vigilant
2)Pray to God-this is how you maintain your vigilance

It was another struggle today to keep from blaming others. It still is, even as I think about it. I'm so ready to be done with this. I think part of the reason though is that I have such trouble making new friends that I don't want to let go of these.



God, change me. Make my thoughts like yours. Drive the devil out of my mind and take control. Give me faith and love, so that I can love others. 

Walking on Water

It is so hard to reconstruct thought processes. My flesh wants to think "She still hasn't responded to me," or "He and I haven't talked in a month." You know, I'm thankful for the experiences I've had and the time I've had with people. I learn a lot from different phases. Yet it's hard not to place the blame on them, although my head may say "God, you're in control." This causes me to think:

Do I really believe what I say?


Hebrews 11 says "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, and the confidence of things not seen." Do I have true faith? I think faith is something that can be acquired over time. But I don't quite have it yet. Well, at least in some areas. Rather than walking on the waters of fear and blame, I'm sinking in them. Jesus, save me.

I am so thankful for my best friend. We met when I started school in 8th grade, so it's been 8 years now. And really when I think about it, I kinda think that my moving away in 10th grade was better for us. I think if we had finished out high school and then separated at college, we would have drifted farther away. I love you Jenn!

Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along.-The Wonder Years

New Growth

I'm glad to be getting out of this rut. Which is surprising, considering how bitter I was before. Someone at school today said "You look pretty today. It's a look that would make me ask 'Are you dating?'" I like that it's showing. But I see some of the effects of the past too. Someone else told me yesterday "You isolate yourself." It's true. When I go to class, I sit by myself, and I don't interact unless required.

On another note, it's been nearly one year since the formation of Ignite City Church! A little bit less for me, I joined up in late July. Amy posted about what's happened in the last year. It's amazing to see how God has moved to bring us together. I'm so excited to see what will happen in the years to come.