Today has been quite forlorn.
1) I'm in summer school.
2) Driving around campus, seeing everything so much emptier than it usually is, is depressing
3) Again I've come to realize that I've isolated myself from everyone. All of the friends I used to have here at school are gone. Seeing the places around school where we used to go together brings back all the memories of the fun times, and the reminder of the mistakes I've made.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Death and Life
Death and life. I've seen it both today. My cousin's baby arrived early this morning. A patient at work died today. My best friend's dad died in war (click HERE to read the story). Countless others have died to give us freedom.
But it's all just a glimpse of the ultimate death- the one that gives us ultimate life.
God, thank you so much for your gift of life through death. Thank you for those who have died to protect our freedom. Thank you for life.
But it's all just a glimpse of the ultimate death- the one that gives us ultimate life.
God, thank you so much for your gift of life through death. Thank you for those who have died to protect our freedom. Thank you for life.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
They Say This World Is What I Make Of It
I did it. I sent an email to a friend. I basically copied the paragraph from my previous post, saying that I still have bitterness, but I know that needs to change and I want to be there for her. Little by little, I'm releasing it to God. It's freeing.
It's time for the update on my trip!
It's time for the update on my trip!
First of all, my brother graduated from high school!! Congrats, Cameron!
I went down to Mobile with my grandparents
I got to see this cutie, Mikinsey
Along with our other cousins, Peyton, Gabe, and Emma
Then I went to Pensacola and Niceville (yes, it's real!) and got to see my two best friends from high school!
And then I flew home. I lovvvedddd flying. The Emerald Coast is so beautiful from up above. God has made such a beautiful creation. And yet, there's more to come. Romans 9 says the earth groans in pain like childbirth, that because of sin it is not perfect anymore. The recent storms are a testament to that. I am so thankful to be one of God's children.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Learning To Let Go
I'm back! I had a wonderful time making my yearly rounds around the south! And I lovvveddd flying!!! Flying for one hour is 100 times better than driving for five!
While I was with Jenn in Pensacola, I went to church with her. The sermon really spoke to my heart. I can't even really remember what he said (so I got online and downloaded the podcast), but what I got out of it was important. I've been holding onto a lot of bitterness. For a while I tried to justify it. Then, as the relationships drew apart, I decided it wasn't worth pursuing anymore. God has been showing me that I shouldn't give up. Even though it's hard, I need to rebuild. But I'm still holding onto it. It's not an area that I've given over control. And to be honest, I don't quite want to yet. But I know I need to. Prayers greatly appreciated.
While I was with Jenn in Pensacola, I went to church with her. The sermon really spoke to my heart. I can't even really remember what he said (so I got online and downloaded the podcast), but what I got out of it was important. I've been holding onto a lot of bitterness. For a while I tried to justify it. Then, as the relationships drew apart, I decided it wasn't worth pursuing anymore. God has been showing me that I shouldn't give up. Even though it's hard, I need to rebuild. But I'm still holding onto it. It's not an area that I've given over control. And to be honest, I don't quite want to yet. But I know I need to. Prayers greatly appreciated.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Oh, Happiness
I love the way God orchestrates things at just the right time! My Granny and I came home from church and began to scheme. The result? I'll be going back home with them to Mobile! Then she will take me to Pensacola, where I will get to see my bestie. And then my bestie will take me to the airport where I will fly home--on my first plane, and for $40 no less! I can't wait to see my--very pregnant--cousin and her sweet Kinsey...
I can't wait to drive my granny down this road....
and I can't wait to see this beautiful city from up in the sky!
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Sunday, May 8, 2011
Proverbial Guy Post
Edit::the font is weird, so it looks like the title is "gay" but it's really "guy"
"What about you and Greene?"
Don't you just hate that? When someone initiates that thought of interest in your head, and you then can't stop thinking about it? Am I making sense?
I've known Greene for about two years now, we met at church one Tuesday evening. I remember going to Chik-fil-A after, sitting at a table with him, Rachel, and a few others, thoroughly confused over his name because he had introduced himself as Daniel but everyone was calling him Greene. Ever since then, people have asked about us. I don't know what it is. Do they see something that I don't?? Two years is a long time to have these thoughts re-awakened again and again. Each time Rachel eyes me, secretly signaling that she's sizing us up, I'm faced with "what if?"
"What if he likes me, and everyone knows it but me?"
"What if we went together?"
"Do I like him?"
"What am I thinking, I'm going to Africa!"
And as much as I love chick flicks and books and the like, they are terrible for me. Maybe that's why I've been so drawn to the action movies as of late. It's a struggle to fight against what the media (and even Christian books) says about relationships and the "perfect" guy. Unrealistic expectations.
I'm at a point in my life where I don't know how I feel about guys and dating and all of that. Through high school, I never had the opportunities presented, so I never had to deal with it. The summer after I graduated, I dated a guy that taught me a lot of what I didn't want. After that, I swore off dating in college. I used that excuse a few months ago on a guy. Lame, I know. I've never been one to drool over guys though. Quite honestly, I tend to hermitize (yes, hermitize-as in, make myself a hermit) when a guy shows interest in me. Sometimes I wonder if it's time to quit being so oppositional; but then I think "Oh, I'm going to Africa, no need to start something" (which is quite true), or some other excuse like that. I guess that's what I feel like I'm doing: making excuses.
Wouldn't it be grand to be asexual? ;) Just joking on that one.
And don't worry, my head knows all the right answers: "God has a plan," "You're doing the wise thing," etc, etc. My heart just tends to throw things for a loop sometimes and make me question myself. Whose doesn't?
"What about you and Greene?"
Don't you just hate that? When someone initiates that thought of interest in your head, and you then can't stop thinking about it? Am I making sense?
I've known Greene for about two years now, we met at church one Tuesday evening. I remember going to Chik-fil-A after, sitting at a table with him, Rachel, and a few others, thoroughly confused over his name because he had introduced himself as Daniel but everyone was calling him Greene. Ever since then, people have asked about us. I don't know what it is. Do they see something that I don't?? Two years is a long time to have these thoughts re-awakened again and again. Each time Rachel eyes me, secretly signaling that she's sizing us up, I'm faced with "what if?"
"What if he likes me, and everyone knows it but me?"
"What if we went together?"
"Do I like him?"
"What am I thinking, I'm going to Africa!"
And as much as I love chick flicks and books and the like, they are terrible for me. Maybe that's why I've been so drawn to the action movies as of late. It's a struggle to fight against what the media (and even Christian books) says about relationships and the "perfect" guy. Unrealistic expectations.
I'm at a point in my life where I don't know how I feel about guys and dating and all of that. Through high school, I never had the opportunities presented, so I never had to deal with it. The summer after I graduated, I dated a guy that taught me a lot of what I didn't want. After that, I swore off dating in college. I used that excuse a few months ago on a guy. Lame, I know. I've never been one to drool over guys though. Quite honestly, I tend to hermitize (yes, hermitize-as in, make myself a hermit) when a guy shows interest in me. Sometimes I wonder if it's time to quit being so oppositional; but then I think "Oh, I'm going to Africa, no need to start something" (which is quite true), or some other excuse like that. I guess that's what I feel like I'm doing: making excuses.
Wouldn't it be grand to be asexual? ;) Just joking on that one.
And don't worry, my head knows all the right answers: "God has a plan," "You're doing the wise thing," etc, etc. My heart just tends to throw things for a loop sometimes and make me question myself. Whose doesn't?
Friday, May 6, 2011
My heart will sing no other name, Jesus
I don't even know where to begin. Last week's tornado crazies have had me thinking a lot. Just 15 minutes from where I live, this is what I saw:
Total devastation. I am so thankful for what God has blessed me with. It's really put my attitude in check and put the events of the past few months into a better perspective...not that I'm completely over everything, I'm just not taking the "woe is me" attitude.
In a somewhat related way... God has been so good to me. He knows my gifts-I'm not talking about what he has gifted me with personality-wise. But He knows what to give me. Certain things he does just make me so aware of him, and just giddy. So tonight, God chose to gift me with the sight of quite a few old friends. It was so wonderful. I couldn't stop smiling and singing the whole way home. :)
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